Moved......
Wednesday, June 4, 2014 | 1:31 AM | 0 ruler breaker
It's been long since I'm back here.
So many things have been going through my mind for the past few weeks. What have I done which makes us distance. What have I done which causes all this to happen. 😔
I really don't know man. We were close during that first minute, and became as strangers in the next. I mean, I know that i aren't suppose to be moved or whatsoever over such things, but I just can't.
I know we will never be together, but.... Never mind. You'll never understand..... 😔😭
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Throwback: 20th May - A day with me myself and I.
Thursday, May 22, 2014 | 1:20 AM | 0 ruler breaker
So, I've not been blogging for the past few weeks. But I think no one is reading my blog, so it doesn't really matter anyway. Well, I've not been blogging for all these while is because I'm busy with either work or school, or family.
Because I'm so busy with those, I hardly have time for myself. And finally, yesterday, I decided to give myself a break and had some RUIJIA time. So on this day, I brought myself down to town after my class and also a short nap. Did some shopping and finally got my contact lens and replaced my handbag.
Walked from Far East plaza across ION, down to wisma and to Takashimaya. Stopped by Takashimaya and wanted to see if KL's working. But I can't seems to find that department he's working at. Then I headed down to scape, and I appsed him to ask if he's working. And yes, he's working, so I asked if he wanna grab dinz together during his break and at the same time I need to pass him something and pass it to our mutual friend, QW.
Walked around scape, to Cineleisure, to 313, and Orchard Gateway, and it's time to meet him. Had our dinz at the food court over at Takashimaya. Had unfinished conversation, maybe because it's just both of us and it'll be awkward if we aren't talking. And I'm surprised that he'll help me to finish my food instead of letting me to throw it. Maybe because he's too hungry and he's craving for carrot cake as well. Ahahah. Accompanied him till he need to report back to work. Happy me I should say.
Headed down to Bugis to have my nutrition drinks with le mom before heading down to Vivo for movie with le b. Caught "the filial party" and I should say it's a meaningful movie. Filial is very important luh. Home sweet home after which.
Reality....
Sunday, May 11, 2014 | 2:43 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Maybe one day, one fine day, you'll not be the guy I keep mentioning. Maybe one day, you'll not be the one I get upset for. Maybe one day, you'll not be the one in mind almost all the time.
I've no idea why, they told me you look like him. I see no similiarity between the both of you except for the "K". Cause to me, you're both from different world. One who have an aim, a goal, just like an angel from heaven. Another is someone who takes what he's served, not much of a goal to achieve, just like a devil from hell.
I won't deny the fact that KY did leave me a lot of memories, be it good or bad. And I won't deny that he is really a nice guy when he's nice, but he's just another jerk when he's bad. To me, I won't regret being together with him for all the good he had done for me. The only regret id was not being able to be that "girlfriend" he want me to be, that's why we end up being strangers all over again.
I no longer miss KY, because he's not needed in my life anymore. I only miss the memories, I miss his granny's cooking, I miss how "relaxed" I used to be, I miss how I can spent the whole day sleeping and not doing anything.
As for KL, there's not much of a memory for me to miss. But those small little meet ups, and those conversations, are really loved and missed. I've no idea whether you'll read upon this, but I really wanna say, "I really miss you, I really do. I just can't show out anymore. I can't show you that I miss you, or I still like you. So, I shall just keep it to myself. And suck it up."
If only time could rewind, I would want to rewind back to the time when we just chat. I will keep my feelings to myself first, or I will just keep it to myself. And I wanna see if we could get together in the future.
Ohwell........ 😔
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
😔😢
Thursday, May 8, 2014 | 12:57 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Just another night, of me missing you terribly.
Sorry boy, for missing you terribly much again tonight. I've no idea why, but I do. I hate how much I ruin us, or I should say the friendship between us. I hate how much I ruin everything i had.
If I didn't tell you how I feel, would things be better between us? If I didn't tell you how I feel, would we still be as close? If I didn't tell you how I feel, would we turn out to be couple in future?
I regretted. regretted for telling you how I feel, regretted for being so straightforward and didn't really think much.
But one thing I know, even if I didn't tell you how I feel, the ending will still be the same. Cause you'll never fall for me. Who am I to make you fall for me? I mean, look at you, you've got the looks, the certificates, almost everything a girl want. What about me? No looks, no money, no figure, no certificates, nothing.
All I can do, is to treat you like a friend. Just a friend. Even if I still like you, I also won't tell you anymore. Cause the more I show you how I feel towards you, the further you'll push me away. So I shall keep it to myself, only myself.
😔😢
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Good bye, April
Wednesday, April 30, 2014 | 6:25 PM | 0 ruler breaker
April is coming to an end, just in a blink.
What have I done in April? What achievement have I accomplish? What have I done to make myself feel proud? Did I make a difference for people around me or even for myself? Let's do a little flashback or I should say, a little "think back" session.
Was still in Luang Prabang (Laos) on the 1st to 6th of April. These 5 days of April spent there, was rather an exciting and fruitful week. Taught working Laotian adults some English that they could use it on their daily life be it for work or normal conversation with friends or family. What my #teamLaosTEAMB2014 taught was on how they could use email to communicate. But our main focus was on formal email (work basis). The bond I had with #teamLaos2014 and the Laotians were way beyond words could describe. Even though we are separated into two big groups at the end of the day, but we are still #teamLaos2014. And of course, me and my team are called the #teamPOYOYO.
After being back from Laos, I've been taking up temporary part time jobs. First is with Frank by OCBC for their event work over at NTU, which lasted for 3 days. But the pay was good and the working hours are short, so why not? I mean it's easy money, even though it's far. The next job I worked was located at Takashimaya for Butter Studio due to the Easter period. The pay isn't as good, but because I'd worked with them before, and my lady boss asked me to help out, so I agreed with it. 2 weeks passes in a blink, and I've completed almost 8 hours of job every day, promoting the products.
Meet up with #teamPOYOYO quite often and it just feel the same. The closure between us back here and back in Laos never change at all. It just get stronger, and I like the way we bond together.
Of course, there's good and bad in April. Enough said of the good, now let's talk about bad.
So, I believe if you guys have been reading my blog. I've been having quite a lot of late night thoughts, and it all came down to a special someone, Mr K.L. In April, we had a number of tiffs and unhappiness. Even though I tried to save it, but I still failed. I ended up making it worst and we ended up being more like a stranger than a friend. Times like this, I just wished that I didn't not mention anything to him. So that the friendship could last a little longer, that closure wouldn't die. But, what's said was said, what's done was done, and that closure is ruined. But like I always say, if you're mine, you'll be. If not friends we shall be.
I hope May will be as good as the past few months.
After being back from Laos, I've been taking up temporary part time jobs. First is with Frank by OCBC for their event work over at NTU, which lasted for 3 days. But the pay was good and the working hours are short, so why not? I mean it's easy money, even though it's far. The next job I worked was located at Takashimaya for Butter Studio due to the Easter period. The pay isn't as good, but because I'd worked with them before, and my lady boss asked me to help out, so I agreed with it. 2 weeks passes in a blink, and I've completed almost 8 hours of job every day, promoting the products.
Meet up with #teamPOYOYO quite often and it just feel the same. The closure between us back here and back in Laos never change at all. It just get stronger, and I like the way we bond together.
Of course, there's good and bad in April. Enough said of the good, now let's talk about bad.
So, I believe if you guys have been reading my blog. I've been having quite a lot of late night thoughts, and it all came down to a special someone, Mr K.L. In April, we had a number of tiffs and unhappiness. Even though I tried to save it, but I still failed. I ended up making it worst and we ended up being more like a stranger than a friend. Times like this, I just wished that I didn't not mention anything to him. So that the friendship could last a little longer, that closure wouldn't die. But, what's said was said, what's done was done, and that closure is ruined. But like I always say, if you're mine, you'll be. If not friends we shall be.
I hope May will be as good as the past few months.
Confused...
Monday, April 28, 2014 | 1:02 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Been 3 days since we last chat. And even when I really want and tempted to send a text to you, I've to stop myself from doing so.
I'm sorry that I've been pestering you for the past months. I'm sorry that I've demand too much from you. I'm sorry that I think too highly of myself for being able to move you and make you fall. I'm sorry for my stubbornness and irritation. I'm sorry for every single nonsense I've create.
I've no idea when will we ever chat again. You ask me treat you as how I treat ray; I sure can. But now, I seem as thou I'm treating you lesser than how I treat him, I'm treating you more like a stranger than a friend to me. Hmmm. I've no idea man.
and I won't deny the fact that you're still the reason of me improving myself. I might not end up being the girl you want, or need. Neither will I be the girl you want me to be. But I'll be better. Better than now, better than ever. ☺️
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Thinking again....
| 12:34 AM | 0 ruler breaker
That closure? Gone.
That endless conversation? Gone.
That care and concern? Gone.
Everything's gone within that few days, with no explanations, no reasons, nothing. I even took that courage to ask what's wrong, but you seems like you're hiding things from me. I've been very straight forward ever since day 1, even until now, I'm still straight forward with what's on my mind. I don't hide what I feel, and maybe that's the reason why we end up like this.
If only I didn't mention anything about how I feel, I guess we will be friends -> close friends and stays there. If only I didn't mention about how I feel, things wouldn't get so stiff between us two. But I wonder if I didn't say anything, would we even chat as much? I wonder if I didn't say anything, would we even be friends from the start? I wonder if I didn't say anything, how would the "us" be like now?
But sometimes, life's like that. They put you into situations where you'll find yourself struggling, find yourself panicking, find yourself lost in the middle of nowhere. But what happened in the end, is that all these situations, will make you a stronger and better person.
I've no idea if I've told you this before, but you're the reason of why I wanna improve myself. To be a better person, to be a "somebody". Because the "me" right now, is someone who's bad and not successful yet. I know, even if I'm you, I wouldn't choose me. Cause there's so many better girls out there, why would you even want a girl who scold vulgarities, who acts like a guy, who is lazy to even put on make up, who is still schooling because she failed her module. With the "me" now, there'll be no bright future, I understand. But I'm trying my best, to be someone successful. To be someone better and be a somebody.
But I guess, even when I'm a somebody, you wouldn't want me too. Reason being, there's no feeling. Not at all. You told me, you don't let fate to decide for you. And with that, it makes me feel that even when you like me, you won't want to be with me. Because that's what you've already set from the very start.
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Day 113 of 2014: Thoughts...
Wednesday, April 23, 2014 | 12:46 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Time passes very fast, 113 days have passed.
Tonight, thoughts hit me hard again. The horoscope analysis is so true, "the person whom I love don't love me, and I don't love the person who love me." It happened all the time, like literally, ALL THE TIME. Ever since the last relationship, till now. The person I love will not love me back, and I'm pushing the people who love me away.
Tonight, I'm thinking again. Thinking if I should just let it go, thinking if I should just stop my feeling I had for you. I wouldn't deny that the past two evening spent with you was awesome. *even when we are not spending it alone, but it's still awesome* I know I should treat you like a friend, just a friend. But I just can't do it. But I will try my best to keep the feelings to myself, and act like I don't love you anymore. Like I said in my previous post, if I can switch my feelings off for KY, I can switch it off for you too.
There's by far no limit for my tolerance, I always believe that if I truly want that person, I will do my very best to get that person. I won't give up until it comes to the day whereby I really see nothing anymore, or the day when I'm really too tired to chase for it anymore. I want you, want to be called yours, but why is that seems so impossible?
I still remember the times we text every single day, from the moment we wake up, till we go to bed. I still remember the times when we have endless topic to talk about. I still remember the times when I pour my heart out to you and you listen to me patiently. I still remember the night when I called you up and whine about that guy who creep me out. I still remember the night when I cried because we quarreled.
I'm not giving up yet, cause I know I've not done my very best yet. I will only give up when I can't do anymore things to win you. I know you'll push me away, cause I don't even have that little bit of "thing" you want your girlfriend to have. I will never be up on that name list. I don't care how you wanna push me away, I don't care how bad you wanna treat me. Cause no matter what, you can never hurt me as badly as how KY ever did.
Holding on........
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Another late night post
Tuesday, April 15, 2014 | 12:35 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Just another late night thought that struck me tonight.
I'm glad we are talking again, I really am. I'm glad that you didn't turn your back on me like how he did. I don't know if everything on your side is solved, or you've overcome that stress, but I just want to say, no matter what, I'm here. Still here. I won't turn my back on people whom I really care. I don't care whether it's 11pm, 1am, 3am or even 5am, if you need me, just give me a call. I wouldn't mind being awaken by someone I care because they need a pair of listening ears.
Those few days when we aren't talking, I've been thinking a lot. Thinking if I should start a conversation, but what if you find me annoying? Thinking if I should wait for you to contact me, but what if you didn't, what should I do. Thinking if it's something I've done wrong or is it something I've said. Thinking if I should continue trying or just give up.....
And then, one day, I start a conversation again. And we happened to talk again. ☺️ That joy, that small little happiness I've got here is like "woohoo, he finally reply me!!!!!"
Still remember I dreamt of you last night, and we are taking some photos. I don't know why, but in that split second, I woke up. I don't know if it's because something bad is gonna happen, or what, but I just woke up. Took my phone, and told you. It could be a sweet dream, or a beautiful nightmare. Hmmm.
Tonight, I'm thinking again. Thinking if I should continue showing you that I've feelings for you, or should I just cut it off. If I could switch that feel off for KY, I can switch it off for you too KL. Both Ks are making my mind go a little haywire, always keep my mind thinking. Non stop thinking...
Good or bad?
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Saturday, April 12, 2014 | 12:24 AM | 0 ruler breaker
Just when I thought that things get a little bit better, everything starts to crash down again.
I wouldn't say that I've the best of it, but I thought it did get a little, just that little bit better. But tonight, right at this moment, I came to realize that, everything was just my imagination. That little hope that I thought I saw, that little glimpse of light that I thought I saw, just go "poof" GONE!
Everything should have already get to a full stop a week ago. But, I choose not to let it end. And there, history repeat. There's a saying, "never fix a broken glass, cause you'll end up hurting yourself" and I find it very relevant to me. Why did I say it's relevant, it simply because I broke that "glass" in between us a week ago. Things should have left that way, and that's it. Why must I be so naive and think that we could be fine after that?
Actually, I won't blame you. You've made it very clear at the very start, just that I'm that naive to think that by working a little harder, to care a little more, to do a little more for you, could actually change a little and make you fall. But, I'm wrong. I'm dead wrong. Nothing's gonna change that. Nothing's gonna change the fact that you don't like me, and you never will!
It's coming to an end. I guess I shall not be dumb and hope that one day you'll actually fall for me. I've been dumb to do that in my previous relationship, I shall not do that anymore. Hoping for something that will never happen is purely stupid! But at least, at the end of the day, I could say I've tried.
If you're meant to be, you'll be. If not, friends we shall be.
Labels: #KLJW, Late night thoughts, My life, My thoughts
