Random late night thought
Sunday, March 2, 2014 | 3:34 AM | 0 ruler breaker
It's 3.06am now, and I'm having those late night thoughts in my mind right now. I've got so many doubts that I want to clear, but I never ever know how.
Still remember the other day, I was chatting with my 👀🍬. We had our little heart-to-heart talk, had our little honest hour. We started off by joking, till a point he got serious and what comes in my mind is "shit just got real". Ohwell, of course it's nice to have honesty between two people. So, hopefully these talks will let you know about me. (Be it the good or bad way) and I honestly hope that it'll be a step closer to being close with you. ☺️
Met Richman yesterday (Saturday), and he asked me if kiefer ever come back, will I choose him again. I said "no, I won't". Reason isn't because I no longer love him, but because I choose not to love him anymore. I've too much to consider if I should ever go back to him. Cause firstly, he hurt me too much. And the way he hurt me is way beyond the limit. I won't allow him to hurt me anymore. Secondly, if I ever get back with him, I'll disappoint all the people around me, including myself because I'll be getting hurt all over again. I'll disappoint my family as well, cause they're so glad that I'm out of the "devil's" hand and they actually dislike him after break up. (Bad first impression causes everything) Lastly, I clearly know that he won't come back to me. Of course, if he ever come back, I will hesistate a little whether to talk to him, but getting back? sorry but a no. Because someone don't treasure me for the first and second time, doesn't deserve me giving him the third time.
But I wonder why, why is it that tonight all the memories will flashback, like a movie. I won't say that I'm not affected, cause I still do, a little. Because after all, that's a 19months relationship that I used my whole life protecting. Look at the perfect memories I tried to keep, look at the perfect girlfriend I tried to be, look at how much effort I put to keep the relationship going. Oh, I know someone will say that "so does that mean he doesn't put in effort?" "How do you know he never put in effort?" And blah blah blah. I won't deny that he did put in effort in keeping the relationship going, but I won't say he put in more than me. Maybe I'm way too protective or pamper him too much, till he don't know how to pamper others. My fault to blame? Maybe. But sadly, I'll never be the one he'll be pampering, but seriously, I don't give a flying damn about it anymore.
Like what they always say, "let bygone be bygone", "the old ones don't go, the new ones won't come".
Look at where am I now, climbing the stairs all over again after the great fall. And of course, I've got my next target spotted. Hopefully sooner or later I'll be sharing some "good news" with you guys. Heheh.
Alright, getting drowsy. Shall turn in now. Good night sweethearts. 😘❤️
Labels: Late night thoughts, My life, That past of mine (K)
