And I think it's the first time I'm posting photo of him here on my blog. I didn't even remember posting photos of us/him on my old blog. Not because he's hideous, or I'm not proud to show him out to you guys, but we hardly take photos together (cause he don't really like taking photo...)

Reason why I'll be typing/writing this post because I've receive questions on my ask.fm about him. Questions such as, "Why we broke up?", "What makes me fall for him?", and blah blah blah blah. So, I shall just say things about him/us here. (Maybe this will serve as a "memory" post ba)

Where do I start... Hmmmmm....

So, as I look back at my previous blog, I found a post on our first anniversary. That post mentioned about how I fell in love with him, from the first impression of a "very very dao ah-beng" to the "my one and only". Well, I think I'll just summarize on the story about our love life here.

I won't deny that the first time I saw him, I really don't have a good first impression. Cause the vibe he gave, was totally those "gangster" vibe. Or I would say, the unfriendly vibe. He just give a feeling to others that will make us feel like 他不好惹. Maybe that's his shield to protect himself from getting hurt.

I believe I was the first girl in class who tried to be friendly towards him, the first one to open up towards him. Still remember how I used to see him on the same bus when I'm heading towards school, almost every morning without fail. But we just don't talk, or even smiled. It's like we're strangers, even though we are classmates.

So basically, we just ignored each other and treat each other like we don't exist for the first half of our year 1. Then, things starts to change a little when we are in year 1.2. Due to a module, we are allocated to a certain seat by our tutor. So he got no choice but to sit beside me, but even so, we don't talk.

I don't know why, or even how, I find his "after smell of smoking" kinda attractive. Or maybe it's his perfume + cigarette smell, or god knows what smell. And he never fail to catch my attention with his extremely loud music, cause I can literally hear his music even when he got his earpiece plugged on. (That explains how loud his music was)

My impression of him starts to change when I saw his enthusiasm towards his school work and his project presentation. Actually, it only change when he had his presentation done. I mean, 认真的男人最帅, so yar. But till then, we still don't talk....

One day, in a class, he suddenly messaged me on Facebook. And that's when our conversation starts.... Talking about school, and even club. Actually, our first "real" meet up was in a club. I mean, like seriously. Still thought our "sweetness" was there because of the influence of alcohol. But... It's not.

So our chats continued all day and all night long. And we exchanged our feelings towards each other. He told me that he noticed me back when I was dating with our classmate, and he's sorta glad that I'm back to single. I told him that I noticed him during the presentation. Since we actually had feelings for each other, so we tried out to be together. What's even more coincidental was, we stayed just a street away. (I always wanted a boyfriend who stayed near me)

Heading to school and back home together, heading over to Internet cafes together, going on dates, staying home and do literally nothing but sleep, heading over to his place and have dinner, party together, work together... There's just too many things that we've done together, just like any other couples.

What makes me fall for him? 

His personality, and if he put his heart onto something, he won't give up till he find that it's not worthy anymore. And I fell deeper when take care of me when I'm sick, and how he's willing to watch cartoons with me (even when he find it childish).

He might not have the best look, nor is he wealthy. But I just love the fact that I felt comfortable when I'm with him. I love it when I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not in front of him, I can just be me.

He might throw his temper towards me, but that doesn't mean he's bad. He's hot tempered, I know it. He don't like it when he lose his game, because he take his game very seriously. I don't blame him for it, cause I know that's him. People around us will think that he shouldn't do that, cause I wasn't the one causing him to lose. But well, I won't want to quarrel with him over such small matter, so I'll just let it go.

Why we broke up?

Too many misunderstanding in between I guess.

I don't know how true is it, but I've been hearing things ever since we broke up. I've heard our mutual friends telling me how he felt when we are back together...

Some say it's because he thinks that I deserve better.

Some say it's because he thinks I fell for another guy.

Some say it's because he loved me too much that he don't wanna hurt me.

But how true are these? I've no idea, it's only him who know the answer. I mean, I heard all these from 3rd parties, so who knows if it's true or it's just them trying to console me...

If it's true that he thinks that I deserve better, then he's wrong. Cause at that point of time, he's the best (in my eyes, heart, mind) So there's no better. Or maybe he thinks that because of his bad records, I'll think that he's not good enough for me? But well, if that's the reason, then he's wrong again. Because whenever he tried to push me away during that period of time, I begged him to stay. I reassured him that I won't go so easily. So yar.

If he thinks that I fell for another guy, well, I will have to say, i'm sorry, I didn't. And what's even funnier was he thinks that I fell in love with my BFF? Like seriously? Of all people, he thought I fell in love with my BFF. I mean, I know how close I was with my BFF, because he's the closest guy I'm with in the clique. But I don't blame him for misunderstanding us, because even my teachers misunderstood us too. So yar. If he's saying about Jordan, then sorry, I treat him as a close friend all along. Was never moved when we are together back then.

If it's because he loved me too much that he don't wanna hurt me, then I hope it's true that he really love me that much. But well, if he truly love me a lot, he won't want to break up with me. But will treasure me more, shouldn't he?

But well, to be honest, I won't say it's as if I ain't in the fault of the break up. I was the one who create the first crack in the relationship by getting close with Jordan. But when I'm trying to mend the crack, he create another crack in the relationship.

I just kept quiet, and trying not to make a big fuss out of everything. But sometimes, it's hard to not say a single word. So at days, I broke down. But he's the one who reassured me it won't happened again, yet he did it again...

Because of my stubbornness, one day, he had enough. He left. But after he left, we did dated for another 2 weeks... BUT... We still couldn't make it thorough. So he finally give up. Totally.

There's too much for me to forget, and to be very honest, I seriously don't think I'll be able to forget everything. If I'm able to type all these out, I believe I still remember things about us. So yar.

*******

Sometimes, I feel sorry for my next boyfriend/future husband. Because I don't know if I can treat him as nice as I treat Kiefer anymore. Not that I'm afraid of falling in love again, but I'm scared of getting the same hurt again. Once is enough.